


So come out of your cave walking on your hands

by orphan_account



Series: My Teen Wolf One Shots [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, derek needs to talk, in response to 3x4, pre slash, unleashed - Freeform, warning; suicidal thought process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-16 04:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I know what you're doing.” </p><p>Derek's heart plunged to his stomach. Of course it was Stiles. It was always Stiles.</p><p>“St-”</p><p>“I know, Derek. I know what you're doing- exactly what you are doing, what you have been doing for a very long time now.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	So come out of your cave walking on your hands

“People give up on each other long before they give up on themselves, and they do that, too.”  
-Donna Lynn Hope  
xxx

“I know what you're doing.” 

Derek's heart plunged to his stomach. Of course it was Stiles. It was always Stiles.

“St-”

“I know, Derek. I know what you're doing- exactly what you are doing, what you have been doing for a very long time now.”

As Stiles voice got louder the chatter on the porch behind him grew silent. Derek tensed and clenched his fists. 

Scott had called a meeting hours before and Melissa had demanded that they hold it at her house, where she could observe and help all of them keep their heads. Derek liked Melissa, she was calming and even though she could see it, she didn't mind his smoke trail.

Everyone had shown up, all the wolves, including Peter, Chris, The still shaken Sheriff, (the newly turned) Danny … Ethan. All of them had squeezed into the McCall living room, squished up as agitation grew into a feeling of comradery. Well, Derek had remained separate as he leant against the door frame until Melissa had lead him into the kitchen to help make tea and sandwiches. He felt out of place as the 'pack' behind him took a break from planning to laugh and squabble without malicious intent. 

Maybe it was better that he did.

The Alpha pack was readying for their final attack, had been for days and the mood in Beacon Hills had gone down hill fast. The sky was permanently grey and the wind blew thick and without feeling, everything was slow and ... wrong. It was almost as though the land knew of the battle that was approaching. Derek thought he could hear it whispering.

Scott was the mediator, leading them all through the plans and discussion. It was only fitting, he was their Alpha.

Two weeks before the Alphas had made the fatal mistake of attacking Melissa in the Hospitals deserted parking lot. She had managed to temporarily blind Kali with some mase, but she hadn't seen Aiden in time to block his slash. She would have a cut on her side for the rest of her life. When the wolves had descended, all of them having been congregated at Derek's apartment before Scott felt his mothers distress, they all bled into a kind of anger that only the moon had ever stirred up. The fight was the bloodiest they had ever seen or been in.

And when Ennis made a move for Melissa again Derek had jumped in at the last moment. His stomach had been slashed open and blood flowed darker than he had ever seen it. Scott, hearing his mother blood curdling scream had acted on instinct and attacked without thought. When the dust had settled and Peter had helped Derek heal just enough, Ennis was motionless and Scott's eyes were burning.

He was an Alpha. He was an Alpha, and now he was on his way to having everything that Derek had had before the Fire. 

The meeting had broken up slowly, with everyone moving out on to the porch. They stood in front of a home, in a warm yellow light … chatting. Derek had felt alien, unneeded, so he skirted around the group to move into the shadows on the McCall's lawn. His mind wasn't focused like he thought it would be, it was turning and twisting. All he was about to do, what he guessed would follow, swam behind his eyes, maddeningly red.

As he moved away he didn't expect anyone to notice him leave. He hadn't seen Stiles, ever watchful and stupidly wise Stiles, watching him all night, seeing what Derek wasn't saying. He didn't hear Stiles heart beat skitter or his sneakers squeak as he ran down on to the lawn. 

And now it was too late. Stiles had him trapped, stopped and frozen in his tracks by words alone. Again.

“Stiles, I-”

“How long have you been planning this huh?” the younger male sneered, venom swelling around every work he spoke, “How long, Derek?”

“I-”

“Has it been since the Summer? Is that when?” Derek didn't turn around but he could tell from experience that Stiles was gesturing as sharp as his words, “You could have come to me- come to us for help, but you didn't. Hell, you have been making a lot of decisions lately, Derek-”

Every time he said the Alphas name like that, course and with so much infliction, a small part of his resolve weakened, flakes off and dissipated.

“- decisions that have gone one way, one specific way, when they could have much more easily gone a different way.”

Derek heard the porch creak, heard a heart thump too loud and a breath come to heavy against the agonising stillness. The Sheriff was finally seeing his honest to god hero of a son in action. 

And he was a Hero. More of a Hero than Derek had ever thought of being.

“Stiles, what are you doing? I-”

“Don't even fucking start Scott McCall. I will get to you and your Hale-blindness in a second.”

Derek smirked. Giving in came with a certain delirium didn't it?

“Stiles!” the Sheriff barked, but Stiles didn't break his verbal stride.

“I can SEE what you are doing, I have been seeing it for a long time but it only just clicked … you're making a clean break.”

The sentence hung in the air like smoke. Always smoke.

No one moved in the porch, though Derek could feel through the still present Pack Bond that the wolves were itching to move, to shift. The air was so thick and tense it was causing havoc on their instincts.

“You have set up everything so ...perfectly. You got rid of the car; because the Camaro was Laura's. You moved out of your house- out of that freaking train depot- to get away from all the memory connections; your family, training your betas-”

Derek was glad Stiles couldn't hear his heart. The other probably could, but Stiles would use it against him.

“- You got a new place- devoid of memories, and made sure that there was no room for Peter to stay along with Isaac, because he is just a freaking walking memory isn't he?”

“Thanks, kid.”

“Then you started with us- your pack. Jackson was taken away, you didn't have a choice there. Is that how you got the idea? You keep radio silence with Scott, Hell you even tried to keep him out of this who conflict all together didn't you!”

You too, Derek thought, I wanted you to be safe too, Stiles.

“Then Isaac, as soon as you could you drove him out. You purposefully acted like his bastard of a father so that he would run away, wouldn't want to come back. You knew he would got to Scott right? You encouraged him to trust Scott, so that when you drove him out he would have somewhere to go, some one to lead him right?”

Isaac moved then, Derek could tell from the heartbeat, moved to run to them but was held back. Peter by the sounds of things, soft growling and snarls. Would Peter watch out for them, at least for a little while?

“Then came Boyd, who you basically told in no uncertain terms, was pack-less? You drove him out, back to his family, so he wouldn't miss you when you were gone. Am I right?-”

His voice was bordering on hysterical now, loud and cutting and too truthful.

“Allison and Lydia, all you did was inflame the situation with them so their would be no doubt in their allegiances. Are they your back up plan?”

The Alphas hands flexed. Traitors.

“And Cora, your own Sister! You did nothing. You didn't even try with her, and that's what did it. If you didn't try, didn't reconnect, than – zilch; no bond. Nothing for you to break. Hell, you basically drove her to Scott too didn't you?”

Derek wondered when his breathing had become ragged, laboured and harsh, breathing dragons breath into the night air. Why was he cold?

“You have orchestrated this whole situation. Hell, did you let that jerk gut you, Derek? Did you want Scott to officially become an Alpha so it would be easier for them to follow him?”

He heard the younger man- boy, he is still just a boy- take a step forwards. When he spoke again, Derek could feel his every word vibrate in his bones.

“I can see what you are doing. And as fucked up and stupid as it is- as obvious and reckless as it is...I can understand... It's what I would do …”

Derek had never moved so fast in his life as when he turned around then.

And Stiles … Stiles was terrifying. His eyes were wet, pooled with tears. Back lit from the porch light, and standing as he was; tense and tall … he looked like an angel. Full of heavenly fire, rage and unending sight. 

Derek felt his heart beat change. It had been a long time since he was afraid like this.

The people on the porch looked stunned. His pack, everyone he was leaving behind looked dumbfounded. Melissa was crying as she held on to the porch and the Sheriff held her. Did she want to go to him? Run to him, the boy who lost everything in a fire, and try to save him.

Cora and Isaac had their claws in Peter, trying to get free and do something, anything, It must have been a trick of light that his uncle looked pale.

Boyd stood in indignant rage, silent and cold, next to Allison and Lydia who looked like they had just woken up from a dream; as though they didn't know if this was reality.

Danny was clutching Ethan, and they both looked slightly wounded. Why Derek had never mattered to them anyway.

And Scott stood in front of them all, tall and strong, his eyes glowing in the dark. He looked exactly like the Alpha Derek had always wanted to be. 

He looked like be belonged.

Derek swung his eyes back to Stiles. Why did he even care?

“Isn't it better this way?” he finally spoke, voice heavy and face almost … peaceful, “Isn't this better than hoping against time that Lydia will be able to make the Rune Trap in time?”

Stiles balled his hands, eyes flaring. Derek turned to face him fully, an honest to god smile on his face.

“Don't you see? They want me to live, me to replace the ones we killed. They want Scott dead, but me- I can lead them away, get them out of town. You would get more time. You could win.”

“And you would die?”

Derek chuckled.

“I have been dead for a very long time.”

Melissa's sob tore through the night like a gun shot.

Stiles was shaking his head, eyes twisted almost shut and mouth bitten. 

“Wouldn't it put things right? I am to blame for all the bad shit that has happened to all of you. It's my fault my family got burnt alive. My fault my sister came back. My fault for fucking up your families, invading all of your lives with this … curse. I am no hero, no matter how hard I try all I do is make things worse, make people change and leave and die. You don't need me, not now not before. Wouldn't it free you all... if I were dead?”

No one moved. No one spoke. It was so still Derek wondered if this all had been a dream.

He didn't anticipate that Stiles would rush forwards. Didn't see the fist until it was breaking his nose and he was tasting blood. He would have fallen to the ground in shock, but Stiles was right there, grabbing his shirt and pulling him up to meet his eyes.

“Listen to me you selfish fuck.”

“I-”

“Listen!”

Derek could barley breath, any sense that wasn't clogged with blood was flooded by Stiles.

“You are the most self-deprecating, self-loathing son of a bitch I have ever met. You are violent, and broody and hell, there was a time when I would have jumped at the chance to see you out of my life!-”

He wasn't lying. Derek couldn’t move. 

“- you are stupid, and reckless and you seem to have no notion of where the line is...but this isn't your decision to make. Do you hear me, Derek? This war isn't yours. It is ours, and I will be damned before I let you give them exactly what they want!

I have worked too hard for too long to keep you alive to just let you throw it away now. Do you understand now? Your life-as pathetic and meaningless as you think it is- means something, to all of us. You mean something to us.”

Derek could feel shaking but he couldn't tell if it was him or Stiles. I didn't matter. He couldn't tell whose tears were on his face either.

“So if you even think of leaving, Derek Hale, I will hunt you down and kill you myself. Am I clear? Because I refuse to let you think it is okay for you to abandon us, to leave us thinking you are alone...” Stiles voice cracked and when he spoke again it was in a whisper, “...I wont go to another funeral.”

Something in Derek snapped, he could feel it. Those last uttered words were more powerful than 'I trust you', more binding than 'I love you'. 

All the sadness, all the combined tragedy of all of his pack -His pack- came flooding to him. Heartbreak and loss, and a never ending well of inexplicable emotions flowing from them to Derek. He was bound. He had been bound for a long time.

They don't need me. They want me

He felt himself gasp, the emotions seeping still through what Derek would later realise was a new stronger pack bond, and he collapsed against Stiles. He buried his face in the younger man's- yes man- neck, feeling his heartbeat and letting it flood around him.

He was wanted, at least on some level. How could he not have seen. It was there, as plane as day, in all of their heart beats. Pack, thrumming through all of their veins, even in the most minute levels, even in the newest or seemingly unwilling of them. It was overwhelming and everything he had ever wanted at the same time.

None of them though, beat as strong and as true as Stiles'.

Later he would let Stiles lead him back into the house, let Melissa take him into her arms and call him a 'dumbass' and 'son' in the same sentence. Later he would let all of the teenagers pile into the McCall's spare bedroom and talk him to sleep while the adults sat outside, standing guard. Later they would talk, define the pack and the powerful bond that all the wolves had choked on because of him, and plan better-be stronger. Later he would make sure Stiles knew he was important, return the favour. Later he would let Stiles see him weak.

But for now he was lost, swimming in too loud heartbeats and seeping emotions that were not his own. While Stiles called him a 'dumbfuck' over and over again. Like it was a Hallelujah.

He could feel his trail of ash scattering in the wind. He was no longer bound in smoke.

**Author's Note:**

> notes tomorrow too sleepy
> 
> edit; when I wrote this I was so sleepy I quite literally passed out at some point. So if you spot any horrendous spelling errors tell me and I will fix.
> 
> I wrote this as a kind of- i don't know, what I think Derek is setting up for in the canon. A hero moment. And seeing as Stiles has a similar thought process- at least from my perspective- its only fitting that he would be the one to recognize Derek's shit and confront him on it. 
> 
> Also Derek and Melissa being bros/family is so thing (at least to me).
> 
> The line about the boy and the fire is inspired by Sarah Kay's: If I should have a daughter, poem.
> 
> Hope this was enjoyable, it was a very selfish piece of writing to me. bye!


End file.
